Would you like to spice up your marriage? When you’re a mom, your relationship easily gets lost in the daily activities of school, work, kids, church, after school activities, cleaning, laundry, volunteering, and even television.
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My husband and I have been married for 26 amazing years now. I really can’t believe it. First of all because, duh … I’m barely over 30, haha. And, secondly, that seems like such a looooong time, but we are still madly in love.
One of the things that has helped our marriage survive some pretty big life stuff has been the fact that we are intentional about connecting with each other. We have always tried to make time for our marriage. Some of the years that we have been married, my husband worked a job where he traveled every single week … and even a couple weeks at a time. And, he currently works a graveyard position, so I spend many nights a week alone. That means we have to make the most of the time that we do get to spend together.
Any marriage can get dull, it’s so easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day of work, kids, errands, and sadly, TV. It is very easy to slip into the routine of just going through the motions. But, it’s important, as moms, to take care of yourselves, to make sure your own needs are being met.
And, when things are not going well in your marriage, it has a way of spilling into every aspect of your life.
You drift farther and farther apart, barely have meaningful conversation, and start having less frequent sex. Yes I said it … SEX.
Sex is part of any good marriage. It is the way that we are designed to connect. Sexual intercourse requires a level of vulnerability that draws us into intimacy.
If you recognize that you’re starting to drift apart, most of the time you can bring things right back together by spicing up things in the bedroom. Usually, though, you can’t just change things in the bedroom without changing things in ways that will lead you to the bedroom.
Here, I’ve got some ideas to help put that spark back in your marriage. These ideas will add to your marriage even when things are going great. (Some of these ideas would be uncomfortable for some people, so use your best judgement about what would work in your marriage. I do not claim in any way to be a marriage therapist, just someone with lots of marriage experience.)
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15 Ways To Spice Up Your Marriage
1. Attitude – I know, your life is so busy, and sometimes you just don’t want to be chased around by your husband, so the very first thing to do to add that spice to your marriage is to have a Big Fat Attitude Adjustment. It will be soooo worth it, give it a try. Quit thinking about how you don’t like sex, and start thinking about how much you love the connection with your husband.
2. Make Sure You Go On Dates – It can be really hard to make this happen, whether it’s conflicting schedules, financial restrictions, or childcare … but, make a way to do it. You don’t even have to go out to have a great date night. Get the kids in bed and do something special together.
3. Wear Something Sexy – Make sure you husband knows, when he heads off to work, that you’ve got something sexy on under your clothes. Or, wear something that you know turns him on when you’re together.
4. Play A Naughty Game – Have fun in the bedroom by playing Truth or Dare, Strip Poker, or Spin the Bottle. You can even play a game with these Love Dice. The point here is to do something fun and unexpected with your spouse.
5. Have More Sex – the reality is that just doing it more leads you both to WANT to do it more, so sometimes just go for it without any fuss or formality.
6. Read A Book Together – There are some fun books like, The Quiz Book for Couples, The Big Activity Book for Couples, and 201 Relationship Questions, that can help you build intimacy and relationship fun. You can find many more books for couples, right on Amazon.
7. Send Your Husband Naughty Texts – this one is real fun. Think of some fun things to say to your husband, so when he gets home from work, he’ll be a little revved up. If you’re worried about an employer looking over his shoulder, speak in code.
8. Practice The 3-Second Kiss. I try to employ the 3-second kiss when my husband comes in the door. 3 seconds doesn’t sound like much, but honestly, for a hello kiss, it’s dynamic. We can get so used to a simple peck that given a kiss like this, your husband will be surprised and intrigued.
9. Go To A Hotel, Or Send All The Kids On A Sleepover – Alright, I’ve had children in my home for over 20 years now. I can tell you that just being alone, in a place where no child will hear you or is going to come knocking on your door adds a little freedom and excitement to your mojo. Find a way to get completely alone now and then.
10. Learn Couples Massage – Melt: Massage for Couples has reasonable courses that you can take in the privacy of your own home to learn massage. Believe me, you will both benefit in many ways from learning these amazing techniques. This video-based course is so great! You get to learn in your own home how to give great massages, and you have access forever. Couldn’t you both use a massage after a long day?
11. Focus On Your Man– I know there’s a lot to get done. You will never complete your to-do list, so just relax a little. Let your mind get away from the dishes, laundry, homework, errands, and all the other things that occupy your brain space.
12. Get Into Your Man – there’s no greater turn-on to a man than when his wife is totally into him. He needs to know that you desire him, that you think he’s sexy, and ultimately that you want him. Let go, and see what it unleashes in him, and even what it does for you.
13. Give Him “The Look” – When you’re out with you spouse, whether you’re on a date, running errands, or at a school activity, give him the eye, maybe blow in his ear or caress his thigh under the table. He’ll be thinking the rest of the day about what’s to come.
14. Turn Off The TV – tv is a huge distraction for a relationship. Having a tv on in the evenings has stolen many hours from my husband and I. Now, we do still enjoy watching some Netflix together, but we’ve chosen to spend a little more time these days with the tv off, so we can connect with one another more. Schedule some media-free time with your husband, too.
15. Go To Bed Early – Here’s where you get to put all your prep into practice. If you get to bed a little early, before you’re completely exhausted, you’ll have time to cuddle, talk, connect and really enjoy each other.
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Update: Right now Melt: Massage for Couples is offering a free Foot Massage video when you buy their course. This free video offer is only good through Valentine’s Day so go have a look and see what you think.
Now, all these things are not going to instantly spice up your marriage, but putting some effort into your relationship will have great benefits. And, it’s not all about sex. It’s about building in more time for your relationship. A better relationship with your spouse reduces stress, which can have a great effect on your mothering, too.
Even one of these ideas will greatly reduce marriage boredom. Try out a few and see where it leads.
Do you have special ways that you make your marriage a priority? Have you been working to keep the fire burning? Please share in the comments, and remember to keep it PG. Thanks.