Dealing With Frustration – When You Have A Bad Mom Moment

• : a feeling of anger or annoyance caused by being unable to do something : the state of being frustrated

• : something that causes feelings of anger and annoyance

• : the fact of being prevented from succeeding or doing something

Looking at this definition, we can see why parenting can be the cause of so much frustration.  In that moment, when I was speaking unkindly to my son, I was annoyed.  You see, he was delaying me from being able to move on to something else.  I wanted to get his schoolwork done.  I wanted to go do some writing, check my email, help my other children, etc.  And his delaying tactics were blocking that.

There are many other times I get annoyed with my kids.  A common one is when they are all tucked into bed.  Teeth are brushed, pjs are on, I’ve spent an hour reading to my little guy, lying with him awhile, then reading to the others and I finally get a chance to come downstairs and have ME time.

You know how that is.  I’m enjoying my little bit of peace and quiet (okay, watching This Is Us) before I go to bed, but it starts to happen; someone comes down and interrupts me.  What do they want?  Usually nothing important, but the point is: they’re interrupting me.  They hear me sigh (loudly).  And, the message they get?  They’re not important.

That’s not the message I want my children to get from me.  I want them to know they mean the world to me.  That I value them and enjoy them, and I’m available.  That I’m a safe place to fall.  I want them to always remember that they are important to me.

Managing Frustration

Frustration is a totally normal, human emotion.  There are a myriad of reasons to get frustrated every single day.  And if I want my kids to internalize all those messages I WANT them to get, then I better learn to manage my frustration.  But, how?

Looking at that moment with my son, here’s what I would do next time.

1. Recognize the frustration building – Clearly, if I can’t see what’s happening, then I can’t do anything about it.  So, in the moment be aware of my emotions. It was obvious that my frustration was amping up.
2. Stop and think – Why am I frustrated?  What is my unmet expectation?  I wasn’t going to be finished in the amount of time I expected, which meant I couldn’t move on to what I thought was important.
3. Adjust my expectations – This math is going to take longer than I hoped.  It is important, though.  That’s the  reason I homeschool – to give my children what they need, and that does mean allowing extra time.
4. Take some time – I may need a time out for myself.  Take a breath (or a couple), move on to something else.
5. Come back and do it differently – This time remember my adjusted expectations.  My little guy’s head was somewhere else, he needed more time to settle into school for the day, and even a little exercise so his brain could focus.  Speaking calmly and clearly will get better results. Once I took a couple of breaths my head was clearer and I could see what was more important.

One More Step

6.  Grace – Lastly, I give myself grace.  Forgive myself here, again.

Without this last step, we just beat ourselves up over and over, always feeling defeated.  You see, it’s normal to get frustrated and angry, we fail and mess up, but we can fix it and move on.

My mama heart broke a little when I saw those pink cheeks.  “I’m sorry, Son.  I was not nice, and you’re right, I wasn’t being kind to you.  Please, can you forgive me?”  I snuggled up with him for a moment and he forgave me, as he always does when I blow it.  That’s grace, and it’s a beautiful thing.

I pray, that tomorrow I do it better.

Where are your greatest frustrations?  Have you figured out how to head them off a little quicker than I did today?